Understanding Melvin In As Good As It Gets Jack Nicholson's character, Melvin, gives Helen Hunt's character the best compliment ever. He told her that she makes him want to be a better man. The other night I had this kind of experience. No, an older, socially awkward man didn't profess his feelings for me his most eloquent statement ever. I was "Melvin." Well, sort of. I went to an outdoor concert on a beautiful, breezy night and stood 10-15 feet from the stage where Buddy and Julie Miller and Shawn Colvin poured out their folk-rock souls. From Buddy's gritty intuition to Julie's quirky style to Shawn's admission that she was going to play a downer show, their honesty, originality and purity of form showed through every unimaginable lick and heart-rending lyric. These people make me want to be a better musician. They make me want to be more expressive and more diligent in my musical choices. They make me want to take guitar more seriously and widen my vocabulary to include words like: well, words like I don't readily use right now. But also master the common speech so well as to touch the hearts and souls of listeners with every "the," "and" or "is." And they make me want to be honest about how I'm feeling, regardless of date or time because someone, somewhere will empathize and someone, somewhere needs to know that they're not alone. These musicians don't make me want to be famous, they make me want to be a good musician, genuine and real, no matter what percentage that caters to on the listening spectrum. posted by me 9:26 AM . . .
"Attitude is a State of Mind" I guess without realizing it, I've always believed that statement. Sort of a "you can do whatever you put your mind to" kind of philosophy. So, when I'm in a bad mood or am tired, I just try to tell myself I'm not-- that things are good. Granted, sometimes saying I'm tired or grumpy when I'm not will make me feel thus, proving that attitude can be a state of mind. Therefore, it has been a hard pill for me to swallow (literally) to have to come to terms with the thought of chemically contrived emotions. Being a woman, I should have come to terms with this at puberty, but I've always been an emotional person, at least then I had a week's worth of an excuse for my rollercoaster moods. Today I am grumpy. I have tried telling myself that I am not grumpy, but it's a fact that I am just a grumpy gus today. I know, saying it like that makes me feel more like a sulking tot than a perturbed woman in her mid-twenties. I can blame it on not sleeping enough or being bored, but when it comes down to it, I really am just suffering from a chemical imbalance that is causing grumpiness now and may cause elation later. I like to be in control... or rather, I hate not being in control. Admitting that my moods are subject to chemical disruptions directly results in me feeling weak and grumpier. At least I know that there are ways to feel better. Aside from medication, I like kicking the crap out of an aerobics class, going on a great 4-mile run or just belting along with some 'don't give me no shit' songs. There's nothin' like Ole Blue Eyes to give a person the feeling of power-- That's Life and I'm Doin' it My Way. Or maybe, this is life and I'm just going to have to deal with being grumpy right now-- and these moods could inspire some great angry, angsty, don't-piss-me-off songs of my own.... posted by me 1:34 PM . . .
Today is the kind of day I just shouldn't have gotten out of bed. Or, maybe I should have, but then gone to the beach... not that there are beaches in good ole landlocked TN, but a lake, or anything-c'mon! My brain just feels like mush. I am finding it hard to concentrate on ANYTHING-- not even my crossword puzzle, much less the letters I should be writing. Today is one of those days that I feel the world may have benefited more if I just stayed in bed or locked myself in my room with a book and cup of coffee. Good book. Strong coffee. Quiet me. Kind of Blue in the background. And then maybe later I'd sink lower into my loveseat and let the rhythmic, druidic "a love supreme, a love supreme, a love supreme..." lull me into sweeter dreams than I've managed in a long time. posted by me 11:59 AM . . .
Good Intentions This weekend I meant to pick up my bridesmaid's dress for my cousin's wedding. I really meant to. I meant to do a lot of things. I meant to go on a long walk. We were supposed to talk into the wee small hours of the morning, but I fell asleep. Ok, well, I meant to fall asleep. I really tried. Instead I tossed and turned and had horrible, horrible dreams. You called my name, opened my eyes and held me close and I didn't mean to run away. We have a lot to talk about and I intended to get through some of that stuff-- intended to hammer out the dents of our relationship, instead I just threw on a quick layer of shellac and hoped it looked presentable enough. I meant for us to grow closer. I meant to become more of the person you want me to be. I meant to love you. I meant to pay the bills on time. Sometimes intentions just aren't good enough. posted by me 8:42 AM . . .
